Sometimes, even though it tears them apart, women still make the difficult decision to leave the men they once shared a home with. They leave behind the fathers of their children and move on because they feel they’ve had enough and simply can’t take it anymore.
Women have many reasons for giving up on their relationships, but before throwing in the towel on their love life, they often turn to therapy as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.
What’s truly heartbreaking is that most of the time, their husbands are completely unaware of the marital problems until their unhappy wives drag them to therapy.
Almost all therapists agree that in a marriage, it is usually the wife who takes the step of initiating a divorce. Many women feel unappreciated, unheard, or unseen by their husbands.
One woman even claimed that she could be abducted and her husband wouldn’t notice she was missing. It’s a common feeling among women that their presence goes unnoticed because their husbands are too busy gaming, working, golfing, fishing, or watching TV – whatever other things men like to do when they’re not at work.
But in most cases, men aren’t bad husbands and take responsibility and support their families.
They are nice people. The only problem is that they take their better halves for granted. That’s why all therapists encourage spouses to practice good communication skills for the sake of their union.
Men often assume that once they’ve provided for their families, their job is done and that their family members, including their wives, should be happy and appreciative.
This is the main reason why almost all therapists are used to hearing phrases like:
- My husband isn’t my friend anymore.
- He doesn’t care as much as he did when we first started dating.
- He doesn’t consider me anymore; it’s like we’re no longer married.
- He’s a total stranger; I feel like we don’t even know each other anymore. We’re like trains on parallel tracks; I go my way, and he goes his way.
- The only time he pays attention is when he wants sex.
- I feel alone and neglected.
- He never shows up when I need him.
- He’s become cold and distant, and he never apologizes when he hurts my feelings.
- It’s obvious that he’s no longer interested in me or what I do.
Women are the ones who seem to always be more concerned about their relationships compared to their husbands. They’re the ones who mostly purchase books that advise on healthy marriages and how to save their marriage. They complain about how dissatisfied they are with their marriage to their friends, relatives, or whoever is willing to listen.
The big question is, why are they so dissatisfied? What do they lack? Why do they feel imprisoned by the world’s smallest handcuffs to the point where they’re willing to give everything up and break the vow they solemnly swore to keep, resorting to permanently taking off their wedding rings?
Why Do Women Leave Their Men?
Every day, marriage therapists are confronted by women who are frustrated with their relationships with their partners. They feel hopeless, and most believe that their husbands cannot understand what is bothering them.
Many women believe that their husbands can’t change or won’t compromise their lifestyles to fix problems in their relationship. They may feel that their unhappiness is solely caused by their husbands.
When therapists talk to husbands, the situation is often different. Many husbands are clueless about why their wives feel miserable, or they have a different perspective on the situation. Some men think that women, especially their wives, have unreasonable expectations.
Most husbands feel like they’re fulfilling their role, and their wives are too sensitive or don’t give them enough credit. They may feel pressure to improve their parenting, their treatment of their wives, and their financial situation. Men often feel emotionally drained and unappreciated, and the modern role of a husband can be confusing and complex.
Because of these challenges, some men believe that women are naturally stubborn and always complaining. They may feel like they can’t please their wives, and some even give up on trying to do so. Most men feel like they can never be the perfect husband their wives want them to be, as their spouses’ expectations may be too high.
Grounds for Divorce
Statistics show that more women than men file for a divorce. Most women would rather be divorced than stay in an unhappy marriage.
“Mental cruelty” is the most common reason given by women seeking a divorce. Almost half of the women interviewed, stated that their husbands have emotionally abused them.
However, the mental cruelty they mention is rarely their spouse’s deliberate attempt to drive them insane. Their primary concern is their husband’s indifference. They often say that their husbands have neglected them and that they no longer communicate like they used to.
The second most reported reason for divorce is “neglect,” which includes physical and emotional abandonment. Husbands who work away from home often fall into this category.
Surprisingly, very few women leave their husbands because of infidelity, criminal behavior, alcoholism and substance abuse, physical abuse, or other serious grounds.
What’s shocking is that women who are physically abused by their husbands are often hesitant to file for divorce, even though their safety is threatened.
In summary, neglect is the most common reason why most women file for divorce, and it is much more common than abuse. Most men are shocked when therapists inform them that their wives feel neglected.
In fact, most think that their wives are too sensitive or spoiled. They believe that other women would be lucky to have them as their husbands since they work hard to provide for their families.
So, are husbands under-delivering, or are wives expecting too much from their husbands? The reality is that wives are not expecting too much.
If husbands listen to their complaints, understand them, and respond to their spouses’ frustrations, the resentment ends, and the couple starts living a happy life. Happy wife, happy life.
Most women feel that it is not difficult to please them. They say that if their husbands changed their priorities, then they would be satisfied with their marriage.
Women want a soulmate; someone who can provide a shoulder to lean on. They want to feel loved, checked upon now and then, and they feel that the romance will be there if their husbands treat them as they did before they got married.
Women want their feelings to be considered when their husbands are making decisions. They want to feel emotionally connected to their partners. Women do not want quick or absent-minded sex; they want passion in their marriage. They need their husbands’ attention like animals need oxygen, food, and water.
Reasons Why Most Women Leave Their Husbands
1. They Feel Overwhelmed With Responsibilities in the Relationship.
To make a marriage work, both spouses need to put in effort, pay attention to the relationship, and communicate effectively. However, many women feel that they are being taken for granted because they believe that they are the only ones making an effort to save the marriage.
Women tend to take stock of everything they do for their families and wonder where their spouses are in the process. According to Kristin Davin, a New York mediator and psychologist, when women approach her with marital issues, they frequently complain about doing all the emotional work.
Women often feel that they carry the weight of the relationship and are responsible for doing the little things to keep it alive. They are frustrated by the fact that they do not receive equal care from their husbands. After repeatedly trying to keep the spark alive, they eventually become exhausted and may question why they bother.
2. They Constantly Have the Same Arguments.
Repeatedly arguing over the same issue year after year can be more damaging to a marriage than a cardiac arrest. When couples’ needs go unmet, mutual resentment builds. Olga Bloch, a Maryland family therapist, says that this is a lethal toxin to a relationship with no antidote.
“When women feel like they cannot change their spouses, they start saying things like ‘your apologies mean nothing’ or ‘you barely listen to me,'” Bloch said. “The situation becomes even more challenging when addiction is involved. Eventually, wives may give up and start seeking a way out because staying in an unfulfilling marriage is no longer an option.”
3. They Are Unhappy With Their Intimacy.
For many married couples, sex is a barometer that gauges the overall health of their union. When husbands barely touch their wives, they may become paranoid and speculate that their husbands are having sex with other women.
When women express dissatisfaction with their sex lives, there are often deeper problems outside the bedroom. Many women have reported seeking some form of chat line service as a way to connect with someone and have some fun over the phone.
Marriage therapists suggest that when women are sexually frustrated in their relationships, they are often emotionally starved. For women, sexual intimacy is not only about satisfying physical needs, but it is also about the emotional connection with their husbands.
If this element is missing in their marriage, it can drive a wedge between the couple much faster than a skydiver jumping out of a plane.
4. They Don’t Communicate as Much as They Used To.
The top reason why most women in long-lasting marriages consider divorce is the feeling of emotional detachment from their husbands. This issue makes them unhappy and often leads them to have extramarital affairs as they seek emotional connection elsewhere.
5. They Feel That They Have Outgrown Their Partners.
In life, couples outgrowing each other is inevitable. However, the issue escalates when women feel that they are putting in more effort than their husbands, and their spouses are not even trying to keep up with them. This can be perceived as resistance from their spouse and can make wives feel like their efforts to reconnect are not reciprocated.
As marriages evolve, it is not uncommon for wives to express to their husbands that they feel they have outgrown them, especially if there are children involved. When it reaches this point, wives may encourage their spouses to seek the help of a marriage counselor to bridge the gap.
6. They Feel that Divorce Is the Only Option Left.
Family therapists report that women often feel like they are at the end of their rope when longstanding issues like uncontrolled anger and addiction are involved. They would rather end their marriage than continue to suffer under the same roof with their husbands.
After enduring such behaviors for a long time, they conclude that they would rather be alone than face such disappointments day in and day out. Despite their love and commitment, they reach a point of no return and decide to terminate their marriage.
In conclusion, women desire attention and yearn to be loved. They want their husbands to treat them as they did before they tied the knot. If you sense that your wife is unhappy or distant, try to listen to her instead of just nodding along. Look deeply into her eyes and reassure her of your love and commitment.
Let her know that you are always curious about her and that she means the world to you. By doing this, your marriage will stand the test of time.
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