RIt tears them apart. They feel horrible about it, but women still do leave the man they shared a house with. They leave behind the fathers of their kids and move on because they feel they have had enough;
they can’t take it anymore. Women give up on their relationships for many reasons. However, before they throw in the towel on their love life, they often result to therapy as the last option in a bid to save their marriage.
What’s appalling is that most times, their husbands are unaware of their marital problems until they are dragged to a therapist by their unhappy wives.
Almost all therapist agree that in a marriage, it is the wife who takes the step of initiating a divorce. A lot of women feel unappreciated, unheard, or unseen by their husbands.
A lady once claimed that she could be abducted and her husband wouldn’t notice she was missing. Most women feel that their presence goes unnoticed because their husbands are too busy gaming, working, golfing, fishing, and watching T.V or whatever other things men like to do when they are not in their workplaces.
In most cases, these are not bad men; they are good men who take responsibility and support their family.
They are nice people. The only problem is that they take their better halves for granted. It is for this reason why all therapist encourages spouses to practice good communication skills for the sake of their union.
Men assume that once they have provided for their family, their job is done and their family members, including their wives, should be happy and appreciative.
This is the main reason why almost all therapist are used to hearing words such as:
“My husband isn’t my pal anymore.”
“He never cares as he used to when we first started dating.”
“He does not consider me; it’s like we are no longer married.”
“He is a total stranger; I feel like we no longer know each other.”
“We are like trains in adjacent railways, I go my way, and he goes his way.”
“The only time he pays attention is when he wants sex.”
“I feel alone and neglected.”
“He never shows up when I need him.”
“He has become cold and distant, and he never apologizes when he hurts my feelings.”
“It is apparent that he is no longer interested in me or what I do.”
Women are the ones who seem to always be concerned about their union compared to their husbands. They are the ones who mostly purchase books that advise on healthy marriages and how to save their marriage.
They complain about how dissatisfied they are about their marriage to their friends and relatives or whoever is willing to hear them out.
The big question is, why are they so dissatisfied? What do they lack? Why do they feel imprisoned by the world’s smallest handcuffs to a point they are willing to give everything up and break the vow they solemnly swore to keep and resort to permanently taking their rings off?
Why do women leave their men?
Every day, marriage therapists are confronted by women who are frustrated about their relationship with their better half. They feel hopeless, and most believe that their husband cannot understand what is bugging them.
They think that their husbands can't change or that their husbands cannot compromise their lifestyles to fix their problems. They genuinely believe that the reason for their unhappiness is their husbands.
Wives tend to see themselves as the ones who resolve conflicts, and the minute they lose all hope, their marriage is usually over.
When therapists talk to their husbands, it’s usually a different ballgame. Most are clueless about why their wives feel miserable or have a different reason from their wives. Men think that women, in general, especially their wives, have unreasonable expectations.
Most husbands feel like they are playing their role and that their wives are too sensitive and that they never get the credit they deserve.
Men often feel under pressure when it comes to improving how they raise their kids, how they treat their wives, and most importantly, how they should improve their financial income.
Most men feel emotionally drained and that their wives never recognize their efforts.
Unlike in the past, the role of the husband has significantly changed. Their current role is more confusing and more complex, especially when it comes to their wives.
It is for these reasons that most men have concluded that women are naturally born as stubborn creatures who do nothing but complain.
As such, they feel that natural selection compels them to ignore their wives. Others think that they shouldn’t even try to please their wives because it is an impossible mission.
Most men feel like they can never become the perfect husband their wives want them to be because what their spouses are asking from them is too much.
Grounds for Divorce
Statistics show that more women than men file for a divorce. Most women would rather be divorced than stay in an unhappy marriage.
“Mental cruelty” is the most common reason given by women seeking a divorce. Almost half the women state that their husbands have emotionally abused them.
However, the mental cruelty they state is rarely their spouse’s effort to drive them nuts. Their husband’s indifference is their primary concern. They mainly say that their husbands have neglected them and that they no longer communicate like they used to.
The second most reported reason for divorce is “neglect.” These include physical and emotional abandonment. Most husbands who work away from home often fall into this category.
Surprisingly, very few women leave their husbands because of infidelity, criminal behavior, alcoholism and substance abuse, physical abuse, or other serious grounds.
What’s shocking is that women who are physically abused by their husbands are always hesitant of filing for a divorce even though their safety is threatened.
In summary, neglect is the most common reason why most women file for divorce. As said, it is much more common than abuse. Most men are shocked when they are informed by a therapist that their wives feel neglected.
In fact, most think that their wives are too sensitive, or they are spoiled. Most husbands think that other ladies would be lucky to have them as their husbands since they work tooth and nail to provide bread and butter to their families.
So, are the husbands under-delivering or are the wives expecting too much from their husbands? The reality is the wives are not expecting too much.
If their husbands listen to their complaints, understand them, and respond to their spouses’ frustrations, the resentment ends, and the couple starts living a happy life; happy wife, happy life.
Most women feel that it is not difficult to please them. They say that if their husbands changed their priorities, then they would be satisfied with their marriage.
Women want a soulmate; someone who can provide a shoulder to lean on. They want to be loved. They want to be checked upon now and then. They feel that the romance will be there if their husbands treat them as they did before they got married.
Women want their feelings to be considered whenever their husbands are making decisions. They want to feel emotionally connected to their better halves. Women do not want quick or absent-minded groping sex;
they want passion in their marriage. They need their husbands’ attention like an animal needs oxygen, food, and water.
Reasons why most women leave their husbands
They feel overly responsible for their relationship
For any marriage to work, both spouses need to make an effort. Marriages require attention, effort, and strong communication. Most women feel that they are taken for granted because they think that they are the only ones making an effort to save their union.
Women tend to take stock of everything they do for their families. While at their day-to-day business of taking care of their loved ones, they wonder where their spouses are.
Kristin Davin, a New York mediator and psychologist, says that when most women approach her with marital issues, they mostly complain of doing all the emotional work.
Women feel that they are the ones who carry the weight of their relationship and that they are the ones who do the little things to keep their relationship alive.
They are frustrated by the fact that they do not receive equal care from their husbands. After trying over and over again to keep the spark alive, they eventually get tired and ask themselves, “why to bother?”
They continually have the same argument
What kills more marriages faster than a cardiac arrest is repeatedly arguing over the same issue year in year out. Mutual resentment grows when their needs go unmet.
Olga Bloch, a Maryland family therapist, says that this is very lethal to a relationship; it’s like a deadly venom with no antidote. “When women feel like they cannot change their spouses, they start saying things like, ‘your apologies mean nothing,’ or ‘you barely listen to me.’” Bloch said.
“The situation is more difficult when addiction is involved. Eventually, the wives throw in the towel and start looking for ways out since staying in an ‘unfruitful’ marriage is no longer an option.”
They are unsatisfied with their sex lives
To most married couples, sex is a barometer that gauges the general health of their union. When their husbands barely touch them, they start becoming paranoid, and they speculate that their husbands are having sex with other ladies.
When most women lament about their sex lives, the chances are high that there are more problems outside the bedroom.
Many, many women claimed that when they have a sexual problem in their relationship they usually try some type of chat line service where they can be heard by someone and have some fun through the phone
Marriage therapists say that when women are sexually frustrated in their union, they are often emotionally starved. To women, sexual intimacy is not only about satisfying their needs, but it’s also more about an emotional connection with their husbands.
If this element is missing in their marriage, a wedge is going to be driven in their marriage faster than a skydiver who has just jumped out of a flying plane.
They don’t emotionally connect or talk like they used to
Most women who have been in long-lasting marriages are driven to divorce since they no longer feel emotionally attached to their husbands. This is the top reason why they consider leaving their marriages.
This issue makes them so unhappy, and it often leads them to have extramarital affairs because they are looking to feel an emotional connection elsewhere.
Women feel that they have outgrown their partners
In life, couples outgrowing each other is inevitable. The issue escalates when women feel that they are giving too much and their husbands are not even trying to keep up with them. They take this as resistance from their spouse. They feel like they are not giving any effort to reconnect.
As marriages escalate or evolve, it is not uncommon for wives to tell their husbands that they have outgrown them, especially is there are kids involved. When it gets to this point, wives tend to encourage their spouses to see a marriage counselor help bridge the gap.
Women get to a point where they feel divorce is the only option
Family therapists say that women feel like they are close to the edge when longstanding issues like uncontrolled anger and addiction are involved. They’d rather end their marriage than stand another day with their husbands.
After enduring such behaviors for long, they conclude that they’d rather be alone than face such disappointments day in day out. Despite their love and commitment, they’d rather terminate their marriage because they feel like they are at a point of no return.
Women love attention. They yearn to be loved. They want their husbands to treat them like they did before they tied the knot. If as a husband, you sense that your wife is not happy or she is distant, try listening to her instead of nodding to what she is saying.
Stare at her deep in the eyes and reassure her of your love and commitment. Tell her that you are always curious about her and that she means the world to you. If you do this, your marriage will last as long as Methuselah did.