Infidelity has been a prevalent issue for centuries. Even during biblical times, infidels were punished for their actions. In modern times, this problem still exists and is dealt with in various ways.
According to statistics, one in six Americans faces infidelity issues at least once during their marriage. However, cheating is not something beyond our control. We cannot make excuses like “I tripped and fell into someone’s bed” or “someone held a gun to my head and made me sleep with them.”
The truth is that there is no excuse for cheating other than our own weaknesses as humans.
For some, cheating is the ultimate betrayal, and they believe there is no way to fix the relationship once trust is broken. However, ending a relationship abruptly may not always be the best decision. People who have gone through this experience will tell you that it was not their best choice. Losing all those years spent together can be devastating.
While no one has the right to mess up others life, sometimes getting a divorce is not worth it. After all, didn’t you make a “for better or for worse” vow? Breaking up with someone who has been there for you through thick and thin may seem like the easiest option, but it may not be the best for everyone.
You could end up making a terrible decision that you’ll regret. For instance, the process of changing schools and settling in a new home can be unnecessarily stressful for children.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting that cheating is acceptable. If you or your spouse is unfaithful and regularly sleeps with others, then you have a valid reason to consider divorce. The last thing you want is for it to happen again.
However, my point is that before considering divorce, you should make an effort to fix the relationship. If you cheated for the first time and genuinely feel remorseful about your actions, what should you do to fix your relationship? Let’s find out.
What to Do After You Find Out Your Spouse’s Infidelity
As previously mentioned, your marriage doesn’t necessarily need to end because you had an affair. Even if your infidelity caused them anger and heartache, your relationship could still survive.
Both of you will need to work hard to find ways to fill the void that has been left in your lives. You’ll need to find new ways to ignite the spark and keep your love alive.
Relationship experts believe that most people cheat not because their partner is unattractive, but because they have grown emotionally detached or apart. This suggests that the cheating spouse is often compelled to cheat due to the circumstances created by their partner, such as neglect or a lack of sexual intimacy. There are many reasons why people cheat.
However, couples need to acknowledge that relationships are not always easy. A marriage or relationship is a two-way street that requires effort from both partners to keep it going.
To rebuild your marriage and regain your spouse’s trust, there are several things you need to do:
An apology might seem like a simple thing to do, but it’s not just about saying “I’m sorry.” You need to do some deep soul-searching and come to terms with the fact that you did something wrong.
Forgive yourself and acknowledge that you made a mistake and caused immense pain to your partner. Show your partner that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions and do anything to make amends.
2. Stop Cheating
Unless cheating is a common behavior for you, you must learn to keep your genitals in your pants. Just as acceptance is the first step to addiction recovery, cutting off all connections with the person you cheated with should be the first step you take.
Tell them that you realize you made a huge mistake and that you’re committed to the love of your life. Make it clear that you don’t want a repeat of what happened.
Make sure to delete their contact information, and unfriend or block them from all social media platforms.
3. Be Honest
If you’re ready to move forward with your life, it’s crucial to be completely honest with your spouse about your infidelity. Total honesty means that you should answer any questions asked of you without hiding anything.
If you choose to be only partially honest, your spouse may uncover something you’re hiding in the future, and trust will be difficult to rebuild. To untangle all the webs of lies you’ve woven, complete openness, directness, and transparency are necessary. Honesty is one of the key components that will help your relationship move toward solid ground.
4. Spend Time Together
Spending more time together is one way to patch up your relationship. You can take some time off work to go on a vacation for a few weeks.
Doing this will most likely strengthen your bond because you’ll have more time to think things through and sort out your issues. After returning home from your vacation, keep the fire burning by planning random date nights.
5. Accept Responsibility
Although marriage is not always a fairy tale, it’s important to take responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge that you played a part in the downfall of your relationship.
Playing the blame game isn’t acceptable, as it only worsens the situation. By blaming each other, you’ll be kicking the issue back and forth like a soccer ball without scoring any goals – in other words, you won’t be solving your problems.
6. Figure Out Why You Cheated and Take Responsibility
As the cheater, accept that you had a choice before having an affair. If you wanted to, you could have ended your relationship, but you chose not to.
Accept that you made a mistake and find ways to make amends or earn your partner’s trust back. Do some soul-searching and figure out what led you to cheat. Were you tempted, or were you feeling lonely and frustrated?
On the other hand, if you are the one who was cheated on, take your time and find out why your partner cheated on you. You may have been too absorbed in your work and neglected to provide the emotional and sexual needs your partner required. Sometimes, people just need someone to listen to their issues or a shoulder to lean on, not just sexual gratification.
7. Give Your Partner Time to Heal
After apologizing, you can’t expect your spouse to forget everything that happened in the blink of an eye, no matter how optimistic they may be. Healing takes time.
The length of time may vary depending on the severity of the hurt you caused your spouse. It’s important to accept that your actions don’t inspire confidence in your spouse and that forgiveness is a gradual process.
Winning back your loved one’s affection will take time. Sometimes, especially when the wound of betrayal is fresh, your partner may not want to see you because you remind them of your unfaithfulness.
Give your spouse all the time they need to forgive you, and they’ll gradually come to terms with what happened.
8. Seek Professional Help
Not everyone will take the step of seeking couples therapy, which is perfectly fine. However, it’s crucial to keep in mind that licensed therapists help people move on from their dark pasts by considering all aspects of the relationship as well as the factors that motivated the infidelity. Therapists are qualified professionals with the knowledge and techniques to restore trust and maintain stable relationships.
Overcoming infidelity takes a lot of work, willingness, patience, and commitment from both parties. It’s not an overnight process, and couples must accept that everyone heals at their own pace.
Gaining back your partner’s trust is a long road full of bumps that can slow down the process. You may make leaps and bounds one day, but feel like you’re back to square one the next.
If you’re not ready to give up on your relationship, give it everything you’ve got, commit yourself to the process, and make use of the tips shared in this article – eventually, you will push through.