When you are attracted to someone, there are layers to the attraction you feel and different kinds of attraction. You could be physically attracted to someone, which is more surface level, or you could be emotionally attracted to someone. When you are emotionally attracted to someone, it’s a deeper attraction.
You are attracted to who they are as a person and to their personality. It’s a type of attraction that can lead to a lasting relationship. It doesn’t matter how you meet someone. It could be in person or through the internet, feeling emotional attraction is easier than it seems, and it’s possible either way.
Why Emotional Attraction Is Important for Relationships
For a relationship to be successful, you can’t just be physically attracted to someone, you need to be emotionally attracted to them. It might not happen right away, but as you get to know that person more, you may become attracted to them emotionally and physically too, even if you weren’t at first.
Sometimes, you won’t even like someone physically, but there will be such a strong emotional attraction that they become attractive to you. However, for some people, emotional attraction isn’t enough, and they need to find a person physically attractive as well.
Despite the need to find someone physically attractive too, without emotional attraction, there is no chance for something real.
Comparing Physical and Emotional Attraction
Below you’ll find some of the main differences between physical and emotional attraction to further your understanding of emotional attraction.
- It doesn’t require feelings. If you feel like you couldn’t really connect with them on a deeper level, you probably didn’t feel an emotional attraction to them, and it’s only physical. It’s normal to feel this way sometimes, you’re not going to be attracted to everyone’s personality, but if you have a difficult time finding anyone to be emotionally attracted to, you may want to ask yourself if you’re really opening yourself up to find someone to have something serious with.
- Based solely on a person’s physical appearance. When you only feel physically attracted to someone, you won’t be able to choose someone based on anything else but their looks. This is fine if you’re not looking for anything serious, but if you’ve been single for a while and you’re craving a relationship, and you continue to ask yourself why you can’t click with anyone, this may be the problem. You might need to look past their appearance and value the emotional attraction between the two of you, perhaps even prioritizing it.
- It’s based on feelings. To be emotionally attracted to someone, you need to be able to make a connection with them. Thinking they’re good-looking or appreciating how they dress isn’t enough. You need to be able to have real conversations, and have things in common. Who they are as a person and what they value needs to align with who you are and what you value as well.
- Their personality matters the most. Who they are on the inside is more important than who they are on the outside. If, for some reason, they lost what you are physically attracted to about them, that wouldn’t stop you from loving them because you’re not only attracted to them physically, you’re also attracted to them emotionally. This is why it’s important to have an emotional attraction in a relationship; without it, there could be doubts.
- Appearance is not the most important feature. When you are emotionally attracted to someone, and you’re mostly focused on that, you might not even be thinking about if they’re cute or not, or if you find anything about them attractive, to begin with. For some people, emotional attraction is so important that physical attraction can happen over time as you begin to notice more and more about them. Most people experience the opposite, they’re physically attracted to someone first, and over time they start learning more about their personality and fall in love with them even more. However, some people experience it the other way around and prioritize a real emotional connection with someone before discovering that they think that person also has an attractive smile, or whatever it may be.
Is Physical and Emotional Attraction Needed in a Relationship?
The answer to this question can vary from relationship to relationship, but it would be extremely difficult for it to be a successful relationship without the presence of both physical and emotional attraction. A relationship will be most successful when there is a good balance between the two. Ideally, you want to be happy with who your partner is as a person, but also like their appearance.
6 Signs You Are Emotionally Attracted to Someone
1. You can easily have long conversations.
It’s easy to talk to one another for hours, and neither of you realizes that much time has passed. You could be talking in person or on the phone, and you’ll just want to continue talking to each other forever. When you have that feeling of always wanting to be talking and sharing more about each other and your views with someone, it’s because you’re emotionally attracted to them.
2. You feel like you get each other.
You feel understood, and you don’t feel judged by this person. You have probably had similar experiences, so it’s easy to understand each other. This isn’t something you can feel with anyone, and it’s something you feel with this person specifically.
3. You share similar values.
The values you each have play a huge part in whether or not you’re emotionally attracted to one another. When you share important values, possibly involving how you want to raise children, what you expect your marriage to be like one day, etc., you find this person more emotionally attractive.
4. You feel same around them.
Because you’re emotionally attracted to this person and know you’re understood by them, you likely feel safe with them as well. They provide not only a feeling of safety but comfort as well.
5. You constantly think about them.
When you’re emotionally attracted to someone, you think about them a lot but not just envisioning what they look like. You’re thinking about all the things you have connected on, and you probably can’t get them off your mind.
6. You value their personality over their looks.
This is one of the most characteristic things about being emotionally attracted to someone. You truly value their personality much more than their looks. You could care less if they change something about themselves physically, but you hope that the only changes they make to their personality are those of growth and positive ones.
4 Steps to Strengthen Emotional Connection
Once you are emotionally attracted to someone, it’s also important to continue strengthening your emotional intimacy to continue building that emotional connection you felt from the beginning. Below are some tips that can help you achieve this.
1. Spend more time talking to each other.
Perhaps your busy schedules can sometimes get in the way of being able to spend quality time together and getting to really talk to one another. It’s important to keep having conversations to get to know as much as you can about one another and have a really strong emotional connection throughout the relationship.
2. Share things you normally keep private.
Dig deep into the things you typically keep to yourself or what you have a harder time talking about, and be emotionally intimate with your significant other. This will allow them to get to know the deepest parts of who you are.
3. Be vulnerable with them.
This goes with the previously mentioned point above. You need to open up about things you might not usually want to talk about and become comfortable being vulnerable with them.
4. Introduce them to your friends and family.
Your friends and family should know you better than anyone else, so introducing them to those people in your life is a good way of being more emotionally intimate with them.
Understanding the importance of emotional attraction and how necessary it is to be in a relationship with someone is important. As you mature and realize that you want something real, you’ll realize how valuable it is to be emotionally attracted to someone and not just physically attracted to them.
If you find yourself easily having long conversations with them, and realize that you have similar values, you likely have an emotional connection with them that will only strengthen over time.