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How to Stop Being Jealous in a Relationship

Don't let jealousy ruin your relationship. We can help you learn how to control it and how your partner can support you in the process.

Thessa Phillips By Thessa Phillips Reviewed by Alex Smith

The key to figuring out how to stop being jealous is to better understand the reason behind your jealousy, which we will help determine below. Whether it’s due to insecurity, past issues, or because they’re truly giving you a reason to be jealous, this is the first and most important step to overcoming jealousy. Once you have that figured out, follow the tips we’ve gathered for how to stop being jealous to solve all of your jealousy issues.

Common Reasons for Jealousy in a Relationship

It can be frustrating to feel jealous in your relationship and not understand where the feeling is coming from. Take a moment to reflect on why you’re feeling jealous, and consider the following points.

  1. You have insecurities: If you feel jealous easily in your relationship, it could be because you have low self-esteem and struggle with some insecurities. If this is the case and your partner has friends you think are better looking than you, or are more fun than you, your insecurities about those things will likely show up as jealousy towards your partner.
  2. You have experienced cheating: If you’ve been cheated on, lied to, or misled in past relationships, you likely have trust issues making you jealous easily. You need to remind yourself that what has happened in the past won’t necessarily happen again and avoid comparing your relationships for a better outcome.
  3. You have strong feelings: You might feel jealous at times because you really like them, and you don’t want anything standing in the way or you’re afraid that something will.
  4. Your partner’s behavior: It’s not always all on you for being jealous, there might be times that they’re giving you a reason to be jealous, and it’s okay to identify that. However, it’s important to be able to differentiate when they’re giving you a reason to be jealous and when it’s because of something directly related to you.

Is Jealousy Bad for a Relationship?

Jealous men.
Is jealousy a bad thing?

Usually, when you think of jealousy in a relationship, you think negatively about it, and it’s not a good thing. Jealousy in a relationship is okay, to a certain extent. It can even be healthy to have some jealousy in the relationship. A healthy amount of subtle jealousy can show your partner that you really value them, don’t want anything getting in the way of your relationship, and worry about losing them.

Remember, only subtle jealousy every now and then is considered healthy. However, typically when discussing jealousy, this isn’t the case, and there’s an unhealthy amount of jealousy happening.

10 Tips on How to Stop Being Jealous

Jealous woman.
How to avoid jealousy.

No one likes feeling jealous. If you find yourself struggling with jealousy in your relationship, here are 10 tips on how to stop being jealous:

1. Realize your jealousy.

The first and most important thing you need to do is realize you’re being jealous and recognize when you feel this way. Identifying that you have this feeling is the only way that you are going to be able to address it. It could be that you’re able to figure it out on your own or that your partner points it to you.

It’s better if you can figure it out on your own to try to solve it before it becomes a noticeable issue that affects your relationship, but it’s not a terrible thing for your partner to point it out respectfully.

2. Admit you have a jealousy problem.

Once you’ve identified you tend to get jealous, you need to be able to admit it. Admit it to yourself, admit it to your friends so they can try to give you advice, and if you’re comfortable, admit it to your partner so they can hold you accountable. They should want to help you through the jealousy and not be angry or impatient.

3. Build trust in your partner.

If you trusted them completely, you would rarely get jealous, so you probably need to work on trusting them more than you currently do. Instead of jumping to conclusions about things you’re feeling insecure about, assume the best, and don’t let other thoughts contaminate your mind. Don’t freak out until there is a real reason to do so.

4. Improve your communication with your partner.

If there is good communication in a relationship, there will be little to no jealousy. It is important to communicate with one another about what you’re doing, your plans, who you’re with, etc. You don’t have to give a ton of detail about each one of those things, but give your partner a general idea by letting them know what friend group you’ll be with without necessarily naming every single person that will be there or telling them what your plans are for the day, without stating exactly when you’re going to be doing each thing, just that it’s happening.

It’s important not to overdo it and give them every single detail right away because then they may become dependent on you doing so, what you share should feel natural. Basically, do your best to keep them in the loop.

5. Voice your concerns.

It’s important to talk about what’s bothering you and what’s on your mind because when you let it build up, you explode later on and usually take it out on your partner. It’s better to communicate how you’re feeling sooner rather than later and allow your partner to explain anything you might be worried about.

6. Avoid seeking revenge.

If you’re a jealous person, you might want to get revenge when you feel like someone has done something bad to you. This isn’t a solution to the problem, and it’s not a mature way to react to what’s happening, so it’s best you avoid seeking revenge.

7. Determine the root cause of your jealousy.

The best way to stop being jealous is to understand why you’re jealous. Ask yourself what’s really going on and why whatever is making you jealous is truly affecting you. Oftentimes, when you take a moment to understand the reason for your jealousy, you realize there is a different underlying issue.

8. Look at the full picture.

If your partner typically doesn’t give you a reason to be jealous, look at the full picture, appreciate what you have in front of you, and ask yourself if you really need to be feeling jealous at this moment. It’s likely that there is no reason to be jealous, and there might be something else going on that is making you feel this way.

9. Figure out ways to cope at the moment.

Take a minute to calm down, call a friend and talk to them about it, or go on a walk to clear your mind. Find something that works for you, so you have some time to analyze your jealousy and determine if it’s worth causing an issue in your relationship or if it’s just a silly feeling. Usually, if you speak too soon, you could start an unnecessary fight.

10. Avoid checking social media.

Checking their social media is the worst thing you can do because it only fuels your jealousy. It can quickly spiral into being controlling, and you should avoid that as much as possible. Don’t check who likes their posts, who they’re following, who follows them, or read what people comment on their photos.

3 Ways Your Partner Can Help You Overcome Jealousy

These are things your partner might think of doing on their own, or you might have to ask them to do these things to help you out so you can keep your jealousy under control. Remember, relationships are a team effort, and it’s okay to ask your partner for help so you can overcome certain things.

1. Reassure you.

Receiving reassurance from your partner can go a long way when you have feelings of jealousy. Even if some things seem obvious, sometimes it’s nice to hear them, so they’re fresh in your mind.

2. Introduce you to their friends.

It can help a lot to meet their friends and get comfortable with the people they spend time with. You’ll have a better understanding of what goes on when they’re with their friends, and when they go see their friends without you, there won’t be as many unknowns floating around your mind.

3. Include you in their plans.

Asking them to include you in their plans can also feel nice because it makes you feel like you’re wanted there and like they don’t have an issue introducing you to people and being seen with you, which should calm any worries or jealousy you may be feeling.

Feeling jealous isn’t a good feeling, but it is possible to avoid it and learn how to stop feeling jealous. Remember to communicate with your partner, voice your concerns, and, most importantly, try to understand the reason you’re jealous. Doing those things will improve your jealousy.

About the Author

Thessa Phillips Image

Thessa Phillips is a passionate writer and content contributor for Chat Line Numbers, as well as a part-time relationship counselor based in San Francisco, CA. With her deep knowledge of the dating industry and years of experience counseling couples and individuals, Thessa has created many viral articles on dating tips and tricks. In addition to writing, she enjoys watching movies and going to the theater.