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Signs of Compatibility and Incompatibility in a Relationship

Not every relationship is meant to be. Check out these signs of compatibility and incompatibility to help you determine early on if it will work out or not.

Sharon Riley By Sharon Riley Reviewed by Sarah Hall

Compatibility in a relationship is very important, and something you should make sure is present in your relationship. Below, you will learn more about compatibility and the difference between a compatible and incompatible relationship, as well as the difference between being in love with someone or just being compatible.

What Is Compatibility?

Compatibility is essentially how well things work together, in this case, how two people work together. To be compatible in a relationship, aside from working well together and flowing naturally in the relationship, you often have to also coincide in different views and values.

5 Signs of a Compatible Relationship

Signs of a compatible relationship.
Signs of a compatible relationship.

Below is a list of things that are important in a compatible relationship.

1. There’s good communication.

If you are truly compatible with your partner, you have to have good communication. Although it may seem basic, not everyone is good at communicating. If you are good at it, you and your partner are able to talk about issues with ease, and you do your best to keep each other in the loop when it comes to day to day things. You don’t keep things from each other and are open and honest with them.

2. Shared core values.

Your core values should align in order to be compatible. If you overlook this, you may have relationship issues later. Basically, this means that you should both find that these values are important. Some core values you should share are trust, loyalty, conflict management, among others.

3. Aligned life goals.

It’s okay to have different short-term goals, but if you’re hoping to be with this person for a long time, you should share some of the bigger life goals. This means sharing goals regarding where you’ll live, if you’ll have a family together, if marriage is important, just to name a few. When your goals align in this situation, you know you will be compatible for a long-term relationship.

4. Open discussions.

In a compatible relationship, you can talk about your worries and problems with your partner with ease. You know everything will be okay if they are by your side and vice versa. If you have worries about your partner or the relationship, that doesn’t mean you’re not compatible, this is normal and can happen even in a compatible relationship. That’s only a sign that there may be insecurities, not incompatibility.

5. Balanced pace.

It’s important you’re both on the same page and moving at a similar speed in life, or at a speed that provides balance in the relationship, to be compatible. This can look different in different relationships, and it’s okay if you’re achieving your goals at different speeds too. However, you still need to be moving at a similar speed with things regarding your relationship.

5 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship

Below is a list of things you may notice in an incompatible relationship.

1. Different life goals.

If you and your partner want completely different things in life, chances are you’re not as compatible as you may have thought. For example, if you want to live somewhere they don’t want to live, if you want to own property and they don’t, if you want to have a family and they don’t, or vice versa for any of those, then you’re not compatible.

These are bigger things you have to be on the same page about, and if you’re not and can’t find a solution regarding timing for those things, then you’re not compatible.

2. Lack of communication.

You’re not compatible if you don’t communicate with your partner. You don’t have to talk to them every second of every day, but you need to have basic communication in any successful and compatible relationship. For example, lack of communication looks like one of you not telling the other important things that have happened or maybe not letting the other know about appointments or activities going on until the very last minute.

3. Spending more time apart.

It’s good to give each other space in the relationship, and it’s even considered healthy. However, if you’re spending too much time apart and you enjoy the time you spend apart more than the time you spend together, then you’re likely not compatible with each other.

In a compatible relationship, you enjoy spending time with your partner, usually even if you’re doing nothing, you just like having their company. So if this isn’t the case, you may be incompatible.

4. Increased arguments.

Perhaps you’ve been together for a while and never had any real issues that you couldn’t resolve, but now you’re starting to argue more and more. You argue about insignificant things repeatedly, and you can never come to an agreement or find a resolution to the issue. This may be an indication that you are incompatible.

5. Changing interests.

Everyone is constantly changing, but usually, you are making small changes that don’t really affect who you are overall. However, sometimes some people experience really big changes in likes, dislikes, or in their interests overall, which make them have a different personality than they did before. You’re not expected to still like someone if they change too much, and it’s okay to accept that you are now incompatible.

Can a Relationship Without Love but Strong Compatibility Work?

Is it possible to be compatible without loving?
Is it possible for a relationship to work without love?

The short answer is yes. However, it doesn’t work the other way around. So you may notice that even in the early stages of the relationship, when perhaps, you don’t quite feel in love just yet, you do notice extreme compatibility between you and your partner. However, if there is no compatibility, you will likely never have the feeling of love in this relationship.

Another instance you might notice compatibility and no love is when you’ve been with someone for a while and are not in love with them anymore. The compatibility you experience with them can be confusing for you to truly determine if you’re still in love with them or not. You might get along great and have lots of things in common, but that’s not love.

So if you’re ever in a situation where you’re not sure how you feel about the person you’re with, ask yourself what it would be like if you took away the compatibility. This will help you determine if you’re still in love with them or if you were just compatible.

9 Signs You Are Compatible but Not in Love

1. Fear of being alone.

You might get along great with the person you’re with, and you might even share a lot of the same interests, but if you’re really only with them because you’re afraid of being alone and not because you’ve developed deeper feelings for them, then you’re only compatible, but not in love.

2. Lack of vulnerability.

When you’re in love with someone, you’re usually able to be vulnerable. You feel safe with them, and you know they’re not going to judge you about whatever you’re going through, so you feel you can be vulnerable with them. Lacking this indicates that you are not in love with them, and you may just be compatible.

3. Lack of passion.

Passion is important in any relationship because it keeps the spark in your relationship alive. It’s what allows the relationship to not go bland and boring. You should be passionate about the person you’re with and about your relationship if you are in love, and if you’re not, then you’re only compatible with them.

4. Wish to change things.

When you’re in love with someone, even if there are some things you don’t love about them, you accept them as they are and don’t try to change who they are. When you’re only compatible with someone and not really in love with them, you’ll find yourself wishing you could change all of those things and not being accepting of them.

5. Too many complaints.

Being in love isn’t always all happy things all of the time, but for the most part, you’re happy in the relationship, and there’s not a lot to complain about. Complaining too much can be a sign that you’re actually not in love with them.

6. Need for convincing.

If you need to continuously convince yourself that you’re doing the right thing by being in a relationship with this person or by spending time with them, it’s not love. You’re probably confused because you share some similarities, and you’re compatible due to this.

7. No future plans.

This may be one of the best indications that you’re not in love with them and only compatible. Unless it’s really early in the relationship, you probably hope to have a longer-term future with them. So if you don’t, you know you’re just compatible.

8. Love as a friend.

This can happen before establishing or towards the beginning of a relationship, or even after you’ve been with that person for a long time. Before establishing or at the beginning of a relationship, you may realize that you only love them as a friend if you’re not able to be more intimate or if you find yourself wishing you could go back to how things were before.

And when you’ve been with someone for a long time, it can be common to lose feelings for them due to things that have happened along the way, and you’ll realize that you really only love them as a friend.

9. Imagining life without them.

If you can imagine your life without them, and it doesn’t sadden you even a little bit, you’re likely only compatible. You enjoy their presence and have mutual interests, but you don’t mind if they are in your life for good or not.

To wrap it up, compatibility in a relationship is important for the relationship to be successful. You should share the same values and goals and communicate well in your relationship.

However, it’s okay to identify that you’re not compatible, and it will also be beneficial so that you’re not giving extra time and energy to something that isn’t going to work out, so make sure to look out for those signs as well.

About the Author

Sharon Riley Image

Sharon Riley is a talented junior content writer, bringing her brilliant topic ideas and exceptional writing skills to our readers. Currently studying Communications at the University of San Francisco, Sharon is passionate about researching and writing relationship-related content in her free time. When not in class or writing, she enjoys listening to music, rollerblading, and browsing her social media feed.