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Five Love Languages

by Esther Evans

We all like to receive love in different ways. The five main love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Below, you’ll learn how to identify your love language and more about each love language so you can successfully find out which one goes with you and your needs. You may even be able to recognize which one is your partner’s love language as well.

What Are the Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation

What does this mean? If your love language is words of affirmation, it means you feel loved when you are told sweet things, when you are complimented, or when your partner simply says something that communicates appreciation for you.

If this is your love language, when your partner tells you how much they love you, you really feel their love. Some people wouldn’t truly feel loved just with words, and perhaps they need actions as well, but in your case, words are enough. Another example could be when your partner tells you you look nice or that they like something specific about you. Those words make you feel loved more than a hug or kiss might.

Physical Touch

What does this mean? If your love language is physical touch, it means you feel loved when you are being shown physical affection. That might be holding hands with someone, having them put their arm around you, hugs, kisses, etc. Anything that requires your partner to be in physical contact with you.

If this is your love language, you likely crave being close to the person you love, holding their hand frequently, and you like receiving lots of hugs and kisses. It could be tricky if your partner isn’t very affectionate, and it’s okay to ask them to try to be a little bit more affectionate towards you and to explain that this is your love language and that’s what you feel you need.

Quality Time

What does this mean? If your love language is quality time, it means you value and feel loved when your partner spends time with you. A common misconception about spending time with someone is that simply being with them is enough. However, unless you are truly being present in the moment you spend with that person, it’s not quality time. So make sure that you are present and not distracted by other things if this is your partner’s love language.

If this is your love language, you’ll appreciate it whenever your partner sets time aside for you, even if you’re doing nothing but together. You’ll enjoy activities where it’s just you and your partner, including things like going on a walk, getting dinner, or even going to the movies. Anything as long as you can have true quality time to simply be together.

Acts of Service

What does this mean? If your love language is an act of service, you appreciate it when people do kind things for you. It’s not about what they say, and it’s probably not so much about spending time with them that makes you feel loved. You feel loved when their actions speak louder than their words.

If this is your love language, what means the most to you is when your partner does something for you to help you or make life a little easier, that is maybe something you would typically do. Perhaps you’re in charge of doing the dishes, but he offers to do it. You might mention you want to make yourself a cup of coffee, so he offers to make it and brings it to you instead. They don’t have to necessarily be grand gestures, and even small actions make you feel loved.

Receiving Gifts

What does this mean? If this is your love language, when you receive gifts, you feel loved. Perhaps it’s the thought you know went into choosing the right gift for you or receiving the gift itself.

If your love language is receiving gifts, you enjoy receiving gifts more than others. You really appreciate knowing that your partner spent time and effort deciding what to get you, whether it’s a simple gift or more over the top.

Identifying What Your Love Language Is

Identifying your love language.
Identifying your love language.

If you’re still unsure about which one could be yours after reading the descriptions of each love language, ask yourself the following questions.

  • What do I complain the most about in my relationship? Ask yourself what you complain about the most in your relationship. Identifying your complaint will likely help you figure out your love language. What you may be lacking might be what you enjoy feeling the most.
  • How do I usually express my love? Ask yourself how you tend to express your love. Think about it and analyze little things you might be doing that are actually your way of showing someone you care about them or that you love them. Often we show love the same way we want to receive love. For example, if you’re constantly being supportive towards your partner with what you say to them, your love language could be words of affirmation since that is how you choose to express your love and that you care about them.
  • What do I ask for the most in my relationship? Ask yourself what you’re constantly craving in your relationship. For example, if you always want to be close to your partner, holding their hand while you walk, and receive a lot of affection from them, your love language may be physical touch. If, instead, what you crave from your partner is simply getting to spend time with them, even if you’re not doing anything important, your love language may be quality time. So take a moment to ask yourself what you ask for the most in your relationship, and go through the list of love languages to identify which one may fit your situation.
  • Does a certain love language sound more appealing than the others? Ask yourself if there’s a love language that, right off the bat, you feel more attracted to. Perhaps one sounds more appealing than the others, and you could try paying closer attention when your partner does things pertaining to that specific love language to further analyze how it makes you feel. For example, you might be someone who hates being touched because you enjoy your personal space, so you can instantly be sure that physical touch isn’t your love language.

Benefits of Knowing Your Love Language

Benefits of knowing your love language.
Benefits of knowing your love language.

Understanding why identifying your love language is a positive thing for your relationship is important. Only good things can come from being able to identify your love language. Find out what some of those benefits are below.

Helps your partner how to show you love.

If you know what your love language is, you can communicate this to your partner, so they know how to show you love more effectively. Perhaps their love language is words of affirmation, so they always showed you love in that way, but your love language might be acts of service, you never felt their love when they thought they were expressing that. Once you identify your love language, your partner can show love better than ever before.

It might help you identify your partner’s love language.

To identify your love language, you need to learn about all the love languages there are, so you can figure out which one you identify with. As a result of learning more about each love language, you may think that there’s one that sounds like it could be your partner’s.

Personal growth.

When you’re trying to show your partner love with the love language they identify with the most, you may find yourself going outside of your comfort zone if it’s not how you would typically show them love. When you’re going outside of your comfort zone, you are experiencing personal growth. You can also experience personal growth while learning more about yourself and expanding your knowledge.

Five Love Languages Faqs

Common questions about the five love languages.
Common questions about the five love languages.

Can I have multiple love languages?

Yes. You can have multiple love languages, but you likely have one in the leading spot, or perhaps a couple you constantly switch between.

Can my love language change?

Yes. Your love language may change depending on who you’re with, and it might differ with different people. It will depend on the situation. However, some people might have a constant love language despite varying circumstances. There is no right or wrong, and it’s totally acceptable to grow out of certain love languages or feel like it’s changed.

Is it important to identify my partner’s love language?

Definitely, it’s important to identify your partner’s love language so you know how to show them love and fulfill their needs. In a relationship, both people are equally important, so you should prioritize knowing which love language your partner identifies with.

Will identifying my love language or my partner’s love language save my relationship?

Probably not. If something is wrong in your relationship, you likely can’t fix it by figuring out how to give your partner love in a better way unless that was the problem. However, even if you think that was the problem, another underlying issue is likely causing turbulence in your relationship. Although important, it won’t save your relationship.

How can I tell what my partner’s love language is?

Pay attention to what they appreciate, or simply ask them what makes them feel loved the most. Depending on their answer, categorize it accordingly to identify which is their love language.

Can I identify my love language if I am single?

Yes. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be shown love. Your friends and family can also show you love, and everyone needs to receive love.

After reading this article, you should feel more knowledgeable about love languages, and you should be able to easily identify which one is your love language and perhaps even your partner’s love language. Doing so will greatly affect your relationship positively. Although you may think that you are happy in your relationship the way it is when you can know each other’s love languages, it opens a whole new possibility of showing your partner love.

About the Author

Esther Evans Image

Esther Evans is a professional journalist passionate about music culture, human rights, photography, and writing. She is originally from Nashville, TN. However, she now lives in San Francisco, CA, where she works from our local office. Esther mixes her passion for writing and photography, creating unique pieces of content for our readers. She loves creating meaningful viral content for readers to enjoy, learn, and share.