If you're reading this article, my heart goes out to you. Odds are, you aren't being treated the way you deserve, and you have to make a tough decision.
But don't decide too rashly. You have the time to think things through and choose what is best for you. Sometimes, we get in our heads about things so much that we talk ourselves out of some of our greatest opportunities.
The relationship world is scary. Opening up to someone else, allowing the chance for your heart to be broken, and being vulnerable is not an easy task. Sometimes, things get escalated in our minds, and we make a bigger deal out of the little things.
If you are considering ending things with someone, make sure you have a good reason.
Reasons to End the Relationship
1. Broken Trust.
Once someone breaks your trust, it is a long and challenging road to repair it. Some relationships will never be able to go back to normal after that initial break. And it can be a smaller break than you may imagine, but it's still enough to cause a rip in the foundation of honesty that the two of you had been building. For example:
Someone who cheats on you will only do it again. It's a lesson many people have had to learn because giving someone a second chance is so commonly taught to us. I fully believe in second chances, but when you take the most private part of a relationship and share it with someone else in that way, you tarnish the pureness of it all. Cheating is one of the worst ways to hurt someone, as it is a complete stab in the back. Don't settle for someone who is settling for someone else.
Lying about where they go
Maybe they like to gamble or go out and drink at night. And maybe you aren't a fan of that. And that is fine, and you set your boundaries where they need to be. But if they decide that they're going to do it anyway and simply lie to you about where they go every Tuesday night, they are choosing to break your trust and go behind your back. It may not seem as deep or hurtful as cheating, but it is not what you deserve and should be a giant red flag to you.
Let you down
Say someone that you depend on has completely messed up. Instead of coming clean, they choose to hide it from you because they are afraid of losing you. Now, say in that situation, your partner lost their job. You may depend financially on them, and they are throwing your finances under because of their secret.
This kind of thing can put both of you in a bad place, and it can be potentially dangerous, especially if you have a child. If someone fully financially isolates you, it is a very horrible sign. A partnership should be a team, and trust in every situation should be shared. Don't allow someone to walk all over you.
2. Lack of Attraction.
This is the moment most people fear will come in a relationship. But it happens, and it is completely normal. Recently, you may have realized that you don't want to be very physical with your partner anymore. It could be the chance that your struggle is internal, and deeper meanings are to be discovered.
But sometimes, you may be simply not attracted to your partner anymore, and perhaps you never were. When you first meet someone, they can be charming and an adventure. It may distract you from your lack of physical attraction.
Once the glamour and butterflies wear off, you may come to realize that you don't find them physically appealing. You may not want to hurt them, and that is what has prevented you from ending things. But there's no point in leading your partner on.
3. Lack of Effort.
When you are telling a very exciting story, does your partner listen to you? Sure, they may be sitting beside you, but do they engage in the topic and turn their full attention to you? Sometimes, as a relationship carries on, some partners will stop giving their all in a relationship.
Perhaps they were more interested in the chase and felt they don't owe any more effort since they got you. But they do.
They should be putting in their all, all the time. Whether it's remembering little things, or asking about your day every day, or giving you big hugs when you're sad, they should be doing it.
And if you try to talk to them about how you feel and say you are "needy", they are just trying to make you feel bad for wanting the basics. There's no reason to stay with someone who doesn't understand that you are worth fighting for, every day.
4. Seeing the Future.
When you look at where you want your life to be in a few years, is your partner considered in the bigger picture? If you answered no, please do both of you a favor and get out of that relationship as soon as possible. Sometimes we get caught up in the glory and glamour of how things started or how much fun you two can have.
But in the end, your partner should be someone that you see yourself enjoying their company with for a very long time. Otherwise, you're only wasting both of your time.
5. Family and Friends.
If you have a healthy relationship with your family, you may want to consider talking to them about how they feel about your partner. It could lead to the surprising news that they may not be a fan of your partner at all. Sometimes, we can't see the toxicity in our own relationships, but those who care about us can.
Your friends should be a great way to test out that theory since solid friends will always tell you their opinion if they think it is best for you. Try to go in with an open mind.
Relying on the people you fully trust can either help you affirm your feelings or open your eyes to what is going on. You don't have to be alone in your decision, but you decide to make it in the end.
6. Disrespecting Boundaries.
Nothing is more toxic than someone who refuses to respect your boundaries. Whether they be physical or not, your boundaries should always be respected and applied.
If your partner is giving a lot of pushback and making it difficult for you to stand up for yourself, you may want to reconsider the relationship. They are pushing back because they want to go past your boundaries. And boundaries are made for a reason.
7. Raising Your Partner.
Does your partner clean up after themselves? Do they help out around the house? Do they fulfill their responsibilities? Do they take care of their own problems? If the answer is no, there is room to be concerned here. Do you find that you're the one doing those things all of the time?
Unfortunately, you may be raising your partner rather than dating them. That isn't necessarily your fault, and it just means that your partner leaned on you so much that you became their crutch. Whether they have parents or not, it's not your job to fill that role for them. And it may be challenging to leave after all of the time and effort you have poured into the relationship.
But you'll only continue to pour more until you're empty, and it will never be appreciated. Eventually, you'll be drained, and the love and energy will all be wasted. Take care of yourself and find someone who will treat you as an equal.
There's no easy way to learn that you should end a relationship. Breaking up with someone isn't easy, and leaving someone you weren't prepared to leave is even more difficult. But you are worth so much more than what you are getting.
You don't have to settle; no one does. There are enough people in the world for your chances of finding someone great for you to be pretty high. You don't have to move on right away, and you just have to make the move that is best for you and your mental health.
If one or more of these signs apply, please do what is best for yourself. Knowing your worth isn't always easy, but you deserve something much better than what you have. Staying and hoping for change will simply result in wasting a lot of your time. Take action, end the relationship, and carry on living the life that you deserve.