A lot of boys get tongue-tied and nervous whenever they are talking to someone they like. Oftentimes, it's easier to send text messages than to talk to someone verbally or face-to-face. Despite the immense popularity of text messaging and chatting, nothing beats sharing an actual conversation with someone.
Aside from getting instant responses, it is also a good way to add a personal touch to your conversation. Moreover, whether you are talking on the phone or in person, hearing a person's voice, reactions, and expressions make the experience constructive and worthwhile.
To engage in a good conversation with a girl you like, you have to exude a certain level of confidence as you approach her to make that first small talk. While it's not completely necessary to come in as too cool or too fresh, you can benefit from knowing exactly what to say and how to say it.
Keep in mind that you don't have to be an expert conversationalist to pull it off. What is more important is to stick to your own personality and just to be your natural self.
Are you wondering how to strike up a good conversation with someone you like? Do you want to figure out how to start a conversation with a girl more confidently? Let's dig into the following principles that can help you become more spontaneous while talking to a girl;
1. Learn to Balance Your Self-Confidence
Whether you want to get to know a girl better or you're trying to achieve your romantic goals, it is important to work on your self-confidence at a certain level. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be oozing with confidence when you approach a girl.
What is more important is your ability to carry out a decent conversation. Remember that girls don't like guys who are full of themselves. So try to achieve a level of confidence that exudes warmth, humility, and sincerity.
According to behavioral psychology, confidence refers to the belief and feeling that you can successfully perform a task. However, too much self-confidence may not always yield positive outcomes, especially when you're trying to connect with people. In fact, some girls may find this intimidating and quite pushy.
The trick is to develop both an accessible and friendly personality and find that perfect balance that you can work on. Based on research, sheepish grins and a hint of shyness can be very appealing to many girls, too.
2. Be Presentable
It only takes a few seconds for a girl to decide if she wants to talk to you or not. The minute she notices you approaching her, she can develop a valid excuse to escape and avoid talking to you. However, you can always turn things in your favor if you'll try to make a good impression.
Apparently, your physical appearance and how you present yourself play a vital role in striking up a conversation with a girl.
What does it take to become presentable? It all starts with good personal hygiene and proper grooming. You also have to wear appropriate clothes and just the right amount of perfume or cologne.
Work on your posture and improve your walking manner as these can add up to a good personality. More importantly, exude a pleasant aura and flash a friendly smile as you approach her, to express your eagerness to talk to her.
3. Say "Hi" and Find Something Appropriate to Say
A good conversation starts with a pleasant greeting. Casually saying "hi" is a good start, followed by asking her how she's doing. This is a kind way to express to her that you are interested to know how she feels at that very moment.
You may ask basic questions such as; "How are you?" or "Is everything alright?" or "What's up?" If you're lucky enough, these conversation starters could open opportunities for you to talk about other topics.
Assess the situation and check out how she responds to find out if you can carry on with the conversation. If you feel that she's being receptive and friendly, you may think of other appropriate things to say.
For example, if you're at a party, ask her what she thinks about the event; if you're in school, you may ask her about a project, homework, or school activity. The idea is to ask anything that relates to the current situation you are in.
Always focus on the present, and allow your conversation to flow smoothly. If she really wants to talk to you, you won't go through a lot of trouble in the process.
4. Complement Her
Give her an honest and respectful complement. You can tell her things such as; "you look amazing", "you look great out there", or "I find your smile infectious". Try to make it sound as natural and convincing as possible because any false remark can easily ruin your chances. In its simplest sense, give her complements in a subtle way to avoid making her feel uncomfortable.
Additionally, offer compliments politely and avoid sexually-suggestive remarks. Don't give her the impression that you're giving her a thorough rundown from head to toe. Aside from being inappropriate, it's crude and ungentlemanly to give compliments that are out of line.
For example, never mention her shapely body, revealing dress, flawless skin, or sexy legs. Anything that suggests physical desire or lust is not a good way to strike up a decent conversation.
5. Mention About Your Common Interests
A good way to initiate a conversation with a girl is to focus on your common interests. This is one of the best ways to establish a connection and initiate friendship.
To achieve this, you can benefit from doing some research about a girl before approaching her, such as her hobbies and interests, to figure out how to start a conversation. This will also enable you to uncover any similarities that you might have, so you can relate with each other.
For example, find out if she loves sports, music, books, travel, food, or arts. Get to know the topics that spark her interest. Once you have enough information about her, you can think of a good way to approach her and get her attention by connecting her interests with your own.
Most girls like guys that can relate to them and understand their inclination. Therefore, if you want to start a conversation with a girl, use your common interests as a point of reference to establish a foundation.
6. Don't Intimidate Her.
If you want to have a good start when talking to a girl, don't intimidate her by showing off. Girls find guys who think highly of themselves as self-centered and conceited. So even if you are blessed with good looks and confidence, maintain a low profile to avoid intimidating her. The last thing that you'd want to happen is to add tension to your conversation.
Additionally, as much as you want to impress her, don't brag about your looks, skills, and ability to catch every girl's attention. Not all girls are interested to know about your best qualities. Acting too self-absorbed might give her the impression that you're a narcissist, and this can significantly hurt your chances of connecting with her.
Therefore, if you want to start talking to a girl, your primary objective is to make her feel at ease with your presence.
7. Make Eye Contact.
You might have heard the saying that "the eyes are the windows to your soul". This makes eye contact extremely important when initiating a conversation with a girl. Making eye contact is a form of body language that expresses your honest intentions. It is also the best way to show that you are paying attention to the person you are talking to.
Oftentimes, our eyes and physical gestures convey what's on our mind even before we speak. This is what makes eye contact very important if you're trying to win a girl's heart. You can use your eyes to build a connection or to express your fondness for a girl. Whether you want her to be your friend or you're falling in love, your eyes can say it all.
One of the most important aspects of making eye contact is to establish trust. The girl you are talking to can easily trust and appreciate you, if you can look straight into her eyes. In a lot of ways, eye contact creates a certain level of understanding between two people because it strongly suggests openness and sincerity. It is equivalent to saying, "you can trust me, I am interested, and I'm willing to listen".
8. Ask General Questions That Require Elaborate Answers
If you want to buy yourself some time to think about your next move, ask her open-ended questions. These questions require elaborate answers from her and are not answerable by a simple "yes" or "no".
Start with general questions that are not too personal and invasive. This would encourage her to speak and share random things about herself.
Here are some examples;
- "What do you usually do during your spare time?"
- "What type of adventures or sports excites you?"
- "How do you spend your weekends?"
- "Can you tell me three things about yourself?"
Be selective with your questions and carefully align them with the situation. Do not ask questions that might make her feel uncomfortable. Practice sensitivity to figure out how far you should go when talking to her.
If you sense a hint of hesitation in her voice, shift the subject to something else, and try to keep things casual. Never ask personal questions about love, intimacy, and relationships unless she talks about them first.
9. Mind Your Body Language
From the time you start approaching a girl to the moment you say "hi", your body language speaks a lot about your character. If your goal is to talk to a girl, your body language should complement what you say. According to psychologists, a person's posture conveys a lot about his/her manners and etiquette.
For example, folding your arms in front of your body could mean that you are putting a barrier between you and the person you are talking to; and scanning the room while a person is talking means that you are not interested in listening. When it comes to posture, sitting in a slouched position is a sign of disrespect.
So if you want to start talking to a girl and you want her to talk to you as well, you have to pay close attention to your actions. To exude a positive vibe, relax your arms on both sides, or use your other hand to hold a drink, your toes must face the girl you're talking to and lean your body slightly towards her direction.
Do not slouch if you're sitting, and try to sit up straight with your arms relaxed. Face the person you are talking to and make her feel that she has your undivided attention. If she's talking, respond accordingly, but avoid interrupting her.
10. Do Not Invade Her Personal Space
Mind your distance when talking to a girl. Whether you're friends, acquaintances, or complete strangers, it is important to maintain a certain amount of distance to avoid making her feel uncomfortable. Do not cross the line and invade her personal space.
Remember that being touchy or getting too close has nothing to do with wanting to strike up a conversation with a girl. Therefore, do not give her the wrong impression about your motives.
Stay close enough for her to hear you but far enough to respect her personal boundaries. Keep in mind that there is a huge difference between starting a conversation with a girl and flirting with her, and not all girls are willing to play games.
In fact, a lot of girls can easily walk away if a guy gets too close for their comfort. So know your position and be conscious of her personal space at all times while having a conversation.
The best way to figure out how to start a conversation with a girl is by keeping it natural. Work on your personality and avoid focusing on ways to impress her. Try to improve your ability to initiate a pleasant conversation and be conscious about your actions to exude a positive aura.
If you tend to buckle and get nervous, practice how to deliver a friendly greeting and bear in mind a handful of ideas to approach a girl in a polite and friendly way. By being genuine and sincere, you can win the attention of almost any girl.
Lastly, don't be afraid of rejection. Remember that the only people who never fail are those who never try. So if you want to start a conversation with a girl, do your best and give it your best shot.
Witnessing her response to your friendly gesture is far better than sitting still while wondering about what might have been if you gave it a try.